Loved and Lost
by TactlessChessur
Summary: Alice was Bella's world. She loved her with everything she had, and then Alice left. Slowly, Bella gets her life back on track, until she is visited by the Cullens with news of an unexpected tragedy. New version of "Loved and Left". One-Shot.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine.

**Bella POV**

She was my world, my everything, my very reason for being, and had been since I moved to Forks. The very second I first laid eyes on the pixie in the school cafeteria, sitting with her family and trays of uneaten food, my life changed course to become centred on her. She was perfect, if a little short, and the very picture of beauty. I didn't know her and already I loved her. I simply gravitated towards her without realising it, staring at her pale figure absently. I began to sit on my own when the people I sat with lost interest in me after I ignored their attempts to involve me in the conversation, too absorbed in the tiny creature my heart beat for.

After a few days of this constant behaviour in the cafeteria, the perfect form my gaze was centred on stood up from her lunch table, leaving her full tray of food with her family, and danced over to me, a bright smile on her face. She pushed me up the bench to sit next to me, and I could feel the closeness tingling in the air like electricity.

"Hi! I'm Alice Cullen! You're Bella Swan!" It wasn't a question. I attempted a smile, trying hard to not lose myself in the musical chimes of her voice. Nodding, I took the tiny, white hand she held out to me. I flinched when our skin touched, but more from the shock of electrity that passed through than the freezing temperature of her hand.

And then, suddenly, without warning, Alice Cullen leant over to whisper in my ear. Her cold breath tickled my ear as her words froze my heart.

"I know you've been staring at me."

My eyes widened and my heart began to thump loudly and erattically as my cheeks flamed up. As she pulled away to smile innocently at me, I forgot how to breathe. I could only stare as the tightened her hold on my hand for a second. She gracefully got up from the table, pulling me along with her as she did so.

"I would like you to meet my family." She told me. As she led me towards the table she had been sitting at earlier, my eyes widened again. I had never noticed that the others were too all beautiful - I had been too focused on Alice. She was still the most beautiful, in my eyes, despite the inhuman beauty her family shared.

"These are my brothers, Edward and Emmett." Alice introduced the youngest, a boy with fiery bronze hair, and the oldest, a tall black haired man with muscles thicker than my waist. They smiled weakly at me in greeting. "This is my sister, Rosalie." She gestured towards a tall blonde with an amazing figure who glared stonily at me. I flinched away from her stare. Meanwhile, Alice continued the introductions, her gaze landing on the final boy - a tall blonde a thin face and prominent jaw. "And this is Jasper - my boyfriend."

At the painful words, my heart sank. Of course she would be taken. How could she not? Such a perfect creature surely had the world bowing at her feet? I know she had me. I would willingly drop to my knees and sing he praises, though she may not admire my terrible voice.

"Everyone, this is Bella Swan." Everyone except the blonde smiled up at me again. It was then that I noticed none of them seemed to be breathing. They were tense, not moving in the slightest. I cocked my head to the side, my eyebrows forrowing in confusion before I got a hold of myself, shaking my head clear to smile and wave at them shyly.

And so I learned the name of my idea of Heaven. Alice Cullen.

I soon became close friends with the family, and learnt many of their secrets, including what they were.

Vampires.

My reaction wasn't one they expected. In all honesty, I thought it was cool.

Now, the second thing on my wishlist for Christmas was to become a vampire and join the Cullen family.

The first was for Alice Cullen to fall desperately and irreversabley in love with me.

After the first lunch room incident, Alice left the topic alone. Most of the time, she acted as if she knew nothing about the way I felt for her, and yet sometimes, just for a few seconds, her expression would betray the fact that she knew I was undenyably in love with her.

Unfortunately, Edward confused the love he often saw etched upon my face with love for him, and somehow fooled himself into beleiving he loved me in return. Though this was not what I wanted in the least, I went along with it, using every touch, every kiss, to pretend it was Alice I was with.

Meanwhile, me and her grew ever closer. Before long we were inseperable, the best of friends. Despite my hopes, I knew it would never grow to anything more for her - after all, she had Jasper - but I took advantage of every minute we spent together. I even enjoyed the day long shopping trips, simply because I was with her. I just kept up the pretense of detesting it, in the hope she wouldn't notice that I was enjoying my time with her too much and start decreasing it.

And then, Alice Cullen, the centre of my world, left.

She left because Edward finally realised that he _didn't_ love me. It was never love.

But Alice left, and it tore me apart. The goodbye we shared was the only memory she left me to keep. Human memories fade, but I knew that this one would stay with me throughout my long life.

*_Flashback*_

_"Alice, please don't leave." I begged desperately as I sobbed into her cold, stone shoulder. Her icy arms wrapped tightly around me as she rested her head on my own._

_"I don't want to." She whispered into my hair. She was shivering from the struggle of tying to hold back her own dry sobs._

_"Then don't. Stay. Please." I reasoned._

_"You know I can't. Edward needs us to support him. He didn't even want me to say goodbye, but I couldn't leave without seeing you first." I sobbed again at her words, and my fingers dug into her granite back as I fought to control the surge of anger that coursed through me at Edwards wishes._

_"I'm going to miss you _so_ much." I pulled back to murmer. Salty tears were running freely down my cheeks as I gazed into her misty topaz eyes. They suddenly darkened._

_"Then maybe I should give you something to remember me by." She murmered fiercely. My eyebrows furrowed at her words as confusion consumed me. My eyes widened as Alice quickly pulled my lips down to hers, and I stood motionless, shocked to the core. When Alice pulled away, she looked at me with sad eyes._

_"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." She whispered to the floor._

_"Yes, you should've." I whispered back. This time I kissed her, and our lips moved in syncronisation. As my tongue slipped into her icy cavern, explosions erupted behind my eyes. Our tongues danced together, tasting, memorising. _

_When we finally pulled away, my flow of tears had weakened, leaving only a few to trickle slowley down. _

_"Alice, I love you." I whispered, needing her to here it before she left._

_"And I you, Bella Marie Swan. But I can't stay. I'm sorry. So Sorry."_

_And then, she was gone. I was left alone in the darkness, her whispered words my only lifeline in the empty room, our first and final kiss my only memory left to cling to._

_*End Flashback*_

When Alice left, I lost all will to live. My world was dead, my light gone out. I missed everything about her - her always happy and overactive attitude, her obsession with shopping, and even her tendancy to steal my clothes and burn them if I didn't wear the ones she wanted me to. Without her, I was empty.

The next day, I left for school with a small, vain hope that I might see her or her family. Of course, that hope was cushed when I walked into the cafeteria and saw their table, empty. I went to sit on it, exactly where Alice used to sit, and left my tray of food uneaten, reliving their presense. I repeated this for the next few weeks, refusing to eat anything until I became nothing more than a skeleton.

It was only when Charlie threatened to send me back to Renee that reality hit me. I needed to keep living, for Charlie if no one else. The fear for me in his eyes was evident, and I didn't miss him watching me whenever I was home, the only expressions on his face love, sympathy and worry.

So I slowley began to return to my former self. I was never the same, never as happy as I had been with Alice, but I was close. I went to school everyday, worked faithfully and watched my grades steadily rise. I would sketch her face in the back of my books. Having to draw it from memory, they never did it justice, but my art skill was quickly improving, and they were the only thing I had of her.

Soon art became my passion, and I found it was a natural talent for me. one of the few things I could do, and I loved it. I put all my energy and emotion into it, and my work constantly represented my emotion I felt at the time. My favourite subject were angels, and I always involved them in my drawings.

For my final peice, I painted seven angels. Each member of the Cullen family. A little, dark haired pixie stood at the front, smiling blindly into the clear sky around her. I had managed to get each angel to resemble their subject almost perfectly, and my fellow students soon recognised them. They were silent as they watched me brood over my work, silent tears stirring in my eyes at the happy memories I was constantly trying to get a firm grip on but always slipped between my fingers.

When I was allowed my canvas back, it became my most prized possesion, and I hung it in my bedroom, the centre of all my work. It was big enough to take up half the wall.

After that, angels became the base of all my work, rather than simply being featured in it. In particular a very small, black haired angel that looked very modern with her spiky hair and designer clothes.

I also liked to draw pixies.

My art covered my newly painted walls. I had repainted them myself when the Cullens had left, tired of their emptiness that made me feel so alone. They were parted midway with a white border, the bottom half of the wall a deep black and the top half a light navy blue. The floor was a fluffy dark purple that made my feet tingle while the ceiling remained white.

Months had passed when I got the visit. My mood had become lighter as I changed my way of life, though the memory of the pixie who had changed me first remained strong in my mind. I was happier, still not as happy as I could be, but happy.

Until I got that visit.

_*Flashback*_

_I was ecstatic when they arrived on my doorstep. It didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would, seeing Edward again. Hugs were passed around, but I couldn't find the arms of the person I wanted to see the most._

_"Carlisle, where's Alice?" I queried. Silence echoed around the room as everyone stopped talking and suddenly became very hesitant, all of them looking everywhere but me._

_"Bella, I'm so sorry. That's why we're here." He started. I wasn't interested._

_"Where's Alice?" I demanded, panic seeping into my practiced tone._

_"I'm so sorry Bella."_

_"Why can't you tell me where Alice is?" I shouted, tears forming in my eyes. They were hiding something from me. I noticed Jasper was looking down, his face contorted into a picture of pain, as if he wanted to cry to._

_"Bella, Alice was found by the Volturi." He whispered. I rememered Edward telling me about them before he left. The "royalty" of vampires._

_"So Alice has joined them?" I chocked out. He shook his head solemnly._

_"She didn't want to join. She denied their offer. Aro didn't like that very much."_

_"Carlisle, please just tell me where Alice is!" I cried. A dry sob sounded from Esme as she choked on air. Noone else had said a word. I was still on my feet, in the centre of the living room, whereas all of the vampires were seated on the furniture._

_"I'm so sorry, Bella." Carlisle apologised again._

_"Stop saying that!" I screamed at him, "Tell me where Alice is!"_

_"Bella, Alice... when she denied the Volturi, Aro ordered her killed. She's dead, Bella." The floor suddenly dissapeared beneath my feet when Carlisle spoke those words. My knees buckled beneath me and I waited for the impact of the floor, but it never came._

_Instead, two strong, cold, white arms wound around my waist and held me up, cradling my head to their chest. I sobbed into whoevers shirt it was, and heard male, dry, broken sobs coming from the person who was holding me. I fisted their shirt in my hands, choosing not to beleive it._

_When I pulled away, I saw the person holding me had been Jasper. I scrubbed at the tears that were streaming down my face before screaming at Carlisle again._

_"You're lying! Alice isn't dead! You're lying! You've GOT to be lying! It's not true!" My voice began to quiet, muffled by my sobs. "It can't be true." And with that, I raced out of the room, up the stairs and into my beddroom, collapsing onto my bed and crying into the pillow._

_I heard the door open and felt the bed dip as someone sat on it, then moving up to my face. A cold hand brushed my hair out of my face and I saw it was Jasper again._

_"Is it really true?" I murmered, knowing I could trust him. He nodded, his expression broken. "I'm so sorry." I told him honestly. He just picked me up and cradled me to his chest and we cried together again, sharing our pain with his gift._

_*End Flashback*_

Alice Cullen.

Born Mary Alice Brandon, 1901.

Four foot ten pixie.

The woman who changed my life. The only woman I ever loved.

Died November 21st, 2009.

The visit that from the Cullens that day changed me once again. I knew now that I would never be as happy as I had been with Alice. I tried many times to end my life, to join her, but was always stopped by Jasper. He was always there for me, whenever I needed him, whenever I didn't. He was always by my side, and I was grateful. He kept me steady, like Alice used to. I was sure he knew about the love me and Alice shared, but it didn't seem to affect him.

One day, after yet another one of my suicide attempts, I asked Jasper a question. This one question was the first step of many to getting my life back on track.

_"How are we gonna get through this?" I asked, scared of his answer. And yet, his words eased my pain, and I knew he wasn't using his gift._

_"Together." Was his only word. _

And it was true. I knew that, somehow, we would get through this together, helping eachother. We would survive, united by our love for Alice Cullen. The small, bright pixie that had changed us both for the better.

We loved and lost, but together, we would keep on gong.

For Alice.


	2. Poll Result

Dear Readers,

Thank you to everyone who voted.

After looking at the results of the poll, I can gladly announce that **The Torture Toy** will be my main focus until it has been finished. Following that, I will be concentrating on **Back To Bella**.

This note will remain up until I return to this story.

Once again, thank you to all voters.

Pepper


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